my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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