just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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