How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
