Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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