I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
