he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
