girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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