To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
