can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
