its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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