She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
