i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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