Porn is love you can see.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
