she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
