ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
