I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
