obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
