There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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