he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize