I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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