Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize