can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
