i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
