I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
