I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
