Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
