He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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