My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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