shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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