..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
