brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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