I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
