why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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