Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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