so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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