Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
