I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
