I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
