i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have aggressive nipples.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize