dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to make out with him forever
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
