I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What a dumb baby whore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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