Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
