Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
