I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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