I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
