If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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