are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
