I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
