I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
