I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
