Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
