i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
