i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
