I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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