you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
