I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
