Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize