Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
