i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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