I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
