I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
