We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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