best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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