Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
