fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
